


guiding lightning strike

by dayevsphil



Series: tumblr prompts [5]
Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2010 Era (Phandom), Canon Compliant, Established Relationship, Introspection, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-12
Updated: 2020-03-12
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:55:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23120581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dayevsphil/pseuds/dayevsphil
Summary: The blinking cursor on the document is taunting Dan.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Series: tumblr prompts [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1483784
Comments: 20
Kudos: 95





	guiding lightning strike

**Author's Note:**

> a prompt fill for sarah! i hope i did it justice, dear <3
> 
> read and reblog on tumblr [here!](https://dayevsphil.tumblr.com/post/612413149793091584/guiding-lightning-strike)

The blinking cursor on the document is taunting Dan. It seems to blink faster and then slow again, waiting for him to write something, anything.

He's done this a thousand times before. He knows how to write a paper in one night, one that's good enough to pass if nothing else. Sure, he could have started it a few days or weeks ago like he was supposed to, but he didn't want to.

Honestly, he still doesn't want to. He hates this topic. At this point in the year, he hates all of his classes.

He tabs over to his research, skimming it without actually taking any information in. He's got the articles open and the assignment on his desk in front of him, but the textbook for this class is currently being used to prop up his Xbox. He's barely cracked it open, anyway - he's been so sure that he can find all the information in it online that he's been more or less ignoring it.

Dan spins around in his chair. Once, twice, enough rotations to make him dizzy. The spots dancing across his vision are interesting, if nothing else. Something to look at that isn't an empty Word document.

"This is stupid," he announces to his empty room.

The classical music he's got on low volume doesn't answer him. He rubs at his eyes and tells himself, over and over, that he's going to start writing now. Okay, now.

Now.

Fuck.

Dan hates this topic and he hates law and he hates _uni_ , the structure of it doesn't work for him the way he expects it works for other people. He's too loud and easily distracted and self-isolating and generally awful at anything that uni has expected of him so far.

The cursor continues to mock him. Dan gets up from his desk, intending on doing a lap around his room to try to get some of his restless energy out. It's like he's buzzing with all this directionless motivation and, at the same time, he's stuck in quicksand that he's been slogging through for months. He knows there are words for what he's feeling, but the words scare him. If he calls a spade a spade then he has to do other things, too. Doctors, pills, therapy. Nothing he's got time for or _wants_ to do.

Right now, he doesn't really want to do anything. All this energy buzzing under his skin and absolutely nothing he wants to do with it.

Well. There's one thing he could do.

Before he can second-guess himself about whether Phil is busy or something, Dan picks up his mobile and sends a quick text. **cant focus on paper. come over? :C**

Phil agrees so quickly that it makes some of Dan's building anxiety settle into a warm simmer. He might be useless at school and his brain might be broken in places that he doesn't know how to bandage over, but Phil still loves him. That's a crazy thought, honestly, but it's the truth. At this point it's hard for even the darkest parts of Dan's broken brain to deny.

Dan sits back down at his desk and waits for words or for Phil, whichever comes to him first.

\--

Unsurprisingly, Phil wins the race. He must get let in by one of Dan's hallmates, and he knocks once on Dan's door before peeking his head in. Dan still hasn't typed a single word into the document, and he's starting to feel proper stressed about it.

"Hi," he says, shoulders relaxing at just the sight of Phil's smile.

"Hi," Phil echoes. He closes the door behind him and clicks the lock shut out of habit that had been trained into them both from some very close calls. "I think I hang out here too much."

Dan makes grabby hands at Phil, who laughs softly. He comes closer and wraps his arms around Dan's neck so he can lean down for a lingering kiss. "Mm," Dan says, eyes hooded just in case Phil wants to lean in and distract him some more. He's very efficient at it. "What makes you say that?"

"Well, that bloke down the hall," Phil gestures vaguely. "With the, uh, the sort of patchy mustache, you know? He recognised me. So he let me in."

Maybe that should add to Dan's general anxiety and panic, but it sort of feels like he's hit the ceiling on it for today. At least, he's as anxious and panicked as he can possibly be with Phil half in his lap.

"You're my best friend," Dan says. He shrugs. "It's okay that you're here so much."

"You're only saying that so I don't stop coming over," says Phil. His smile is widening, and he presses it to Dan's cheek. "And I won't. You're my best friend, too, doofus."

That's almost as strange to Dan as the love. He never knows how to act when Phil says things like that, like it's so obvious that the all-encompassing sort of fondness Dan has for him isn't one-sided. He doesn't feel like he deserves it, mostly, but he's not about to look a gift horse in the mouth when Phil is the best thing that's ever happened to him.

Phil is looking at the computer screen now, and Dan feels himself tense up. He's expecting - something. Disappointment or confusion or optimistic platitudes.

Instead, Phil just says, "You wanna take a break?"

\--

The buzzing always quiets in Dan's mind when he's wrapped up in Phil's arms. Phil's mouth on his neck and hand up his shirt are already helping more than he could ever explain. Dan can focus on just this, the way Phil feels on top of him, instead of the million things that plague him at every other point in the day. It's not something he needs to work at - unless he's deep in that quicksand and every simple thing feels like he's moving a goddamn mountain - and he's allowed to shut his brain off for a little while.

It's not just about the sex, but it's not _not_ about that. Dan doesn't have to put on any kind of act when it's just him and Phil. Sometimes he feels like he is, anyway, like he's somehow perfected a mask that Phil has been in love with this whole time and that Phil doesn't actually know him at all, but he's not thinking about that right now. He's not thinking about anything at all except the heat of Phil's mouth and the slick slide of Phil's skin against his.

After, when Phil is in a borrowed hoodie and cursing his way through a relatively easy part of Halo, Dan still feels that same contentment. He watches Phil play with his head pillowed on Phil's bare thigh, laughing at every stupid mistake he makes. He feels... better. Not like Phil and sex and video games have fixed his broken brain or anything, but like he can be a person again for a little while.

\--

Dan gets a shit grade on the paper, but at least he finishes it. He personally thinks that shows a Herculean effort when he'd had a snuggly and mostly-naked Phil trying to stay awake with him the whole night, and he doesn't regret it for a second.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to cat for the beta and to sarah for the prompt!


End file.
